Resume

And so we are back to London. Me and my Missouri, the dog.

 It's strange, because when on the way back, and just before, I felt that I miss home. (Or maybe a place I could call home?) Anyway, just after arriving back, I felt strange. Everything around me felt strange. Not mine. Known - but I didn't have a sense of belonging. Even after coming to a flat I called home for last 2 years, it was weird. Rooms, furniture, my stuff.. mine, but not mine. What has changed? They were the same, so it must have been me that changed. It seems that Missouri didn't have this problem. She greeted "her" cat companion and, sniffed  out every corner and lay down under the bed to rest. Me? I wasn't sure what to do with myself! Unpack first? Make some food? Shower? Call friends? .. I thought of making a food first. But what was my surprise when I found a whole tribe (several families) of nasty bugs living squatters life in the kitchen! yuck! Everything needed thorough cleaning...

"surprised cow" - wall mural found in Delft, NL

After I found some time to spend with myself I thought about what I have experienced in last 2 months that were important and left an imprint on me. I could say that it is my travelling experience:

1. I met lots of new interesting people, made some contacts
2. I made new friends
3. I 've learn that I need a place I could call my own home (to come back to)
3. That I still want to travel (for about a year. it has always been my dream) And it's still not too late to do that - now I am thinking of HOW to do do it :)
4. I know what brings me satisfaction. It is to follow my dreams, making things I love doing (like this mosaic in south France) even when it is not for money - as long as there is someone willing to feed me ;)
5. Have freedom of choice when making plans for my own journey (also through life)
6. Understanding my worthiness, feeling good with myself, understanding my needs better,
7. overcoming the lack of confidence, being good enough for myself, not for others. If for them I am not good enough, it's their problem. I need to be in peace with myself.
8. Grow personally and internally to be better person
9. Keep going towards being myself
10. Finding happiness in every little things every day
11. Maintain optimism, faith, strength and courage to go after my dreams and goals, and through every next day with smile on my face
12. Learn more, be more aware

Interview

Last few days went very quickly, I had interview after an interview. Giving and doing it. First time I gave an interview in my hometown to my local newspaper - they wrote nice story about my project Psim Tropem I am doing now. Later, at the Slow Down Festival I gave an interview to local tv about building a kiln during festival, then on the way to Wroclaw I interviewed a veterinarian, and in Wroclaw, director of Happy Animals Foundation, then the owner of vegan restaurant Vega which accepts all kind of pets; in Warszawa I interviewed press representative of polish train lines Koleje Mazowieckie; and then in Poznan director of Animal Security Foundation...

my official media patrons 

Feels like a lot of talking, but now I have even more precious material for my upcoming documentary;)
I am getting scared a little, when I think of editing it later!! How I am going to get through all of this? And when?? In 2 days I am going back to England. Broke. No money left, as all were consumed by my project (which nonetheless, I am happy for and convinced of it's righteousness. It was my dream, and very important reason - If I am able to save some dogs from being homeless - I won ;) Even if it's gonna be just one. But I hope there will be more!

Also, I hope I am going to save myself too ;) I want to change 9 to 5 life to more relaxed and artsy freelance. I was born with artistic soul, with freedom in my heart and my mind. I am like this bird who stop singing, when locked in a cage. I need to find solution for myself. It might be hard, but hey, I know it's doable!

Every day I am doing an interview with myself, asking if I've learn something new? Sometimes I think, that not much. But I know I feel different. I can't precisely say how, but just different. Will it stay with me when I go back to London? Will I stay strong within myself and carry on with my plans? I am asking myself questions like millions people do: how to do what I love and make a living out of it. And when doing it - do not get bored of it.

Here is my lovely companion Missouri, and behind her - part of amazing mosaic found just round the corner of my hotel in Rotterdam, NL. It's local community project

 I am going to be most happy doing this kind of beautiful things ;)

Train travels and different perspectives

photo taken from google pictures library

I've heard bad joke once before in Poland, that life is like a toilet roll - long, grey and for shit. I think some one came to that conclusion years ago during war state, after the communism times in Poland. I was too young to remember and have my true opinion about this. But from what I remember from my youth, is lots of people who lived stagnant lives. No great hopes, no amazing perspectives. That you were given this life to live as it is, that you can't change things, that things are as they are. Full stop. Or maybe this was just an attitude of my closest surroundings, that I perceived in that way. Nonetheless this are my personal feelings. And I think this kind of attitude always made me some kind of angry, and wanted me to be different and change things about my life. I never wanted to agreed to attitude "take what you are given, and be happy with it, because there is nothing better" or that "everyone has it's cross to carry" .. I wanted to runaway from that statements and this depressive way of life. I wanted to believe that there is ME who decides of the fate of my life. And not that has been given to me, decided for me. Of course now - I understand another meaning of the statement - take what are you given and be happy with it - a good meaning ;) But I won't agree with the other part, that there is nothing better..

As they say - you get different perspective from different point of view! I always wanted to believe that things CAN be better, but I knew they won't change on their own. I have to go for it. I didn't always feel happy, but staying too long in a place of stagnancy, with no perspectives for change, made me UN-Happy.
And so I lost my "nazi" corporation job last year because of that (which loosing it actually truly made me happy!) found new nice job after but recently quit to travel now, and to get new perspective and new hopes :)

If you want to ask about that toilet roll digression - well here is the answer:
It used to be only this kind of paper in Poland.  Now it can be found only on the polish trains! And only  if you are lucky! Otherwise there is non ;(

Coming to Poland in the middle of my journey around Europe, brought exactly the same feeling, like it did some 15 years ago, after my first trip abroad - that this country is in some ways like wild east. Not in good way though.

For the last month I've travelled around Europe by the trains. Everywhere trains were clean, most of the time fast, but most important; had air-conditioning, which in such a hot summer like this (over 32C in shade is absolute must) In Poland trains have open windows. And if this is not enough, you can open doors between carriages to get wild drought, (and bad smell from dirty toilets) ;(  My journey from Wroclaw to Jaroslaw (my hometown) lasted almost 12 hours! When I used to study there it was about 8 hours. Now from Wroclaw only to Rzeszow is 9. My train had some electrical issues, and we were delayed. In Rzeszow we had to wait over 1 hour for another late train to get home.
I hope not all over this country is the same! But this particular experience was exactly like this shitty grey toilet roll. Long, and nasty if you have to use it, because there is no other option...

Extraordinary culinary experience

Since a week I've been eating delicious french food. Almost every day is something new. I remember the first day with my french host, when I saw big plate full of green salad (only salad) I thought, omg, I will starve to death :(  ha ha! nothing even close to that, and quite opposite! Yes, almost every day we eat loads of green salad, but apart from that there are other things. I think I got used to polish or english way of eating, where there are various things on one plate served to each person. Here, we eat starter first like fruit, then all kind of salad and then board of cheese with bread, plus water and wine. Quite often I try new veggies I never had a chance to eat before. So its culinary experience too! Tonight on my plate landed  an artichoke. I was terrified. I remembered eating it from an oily jar, and that it tested insipid. Bleah .. But I thought that I will try, because 1st. I am a guest, and I shouldn't whimper, and 2nd - maybe if it's fresh, it will be edible. And guess what - it was very interesting! It was steamed and quite nice with a sauce of vinegar and olive oil, and something else..  I was surprised that you eat only the base of each petal, dipped in sauce, and the base, without the flower. Okay - maybe lots of people know this already - but for me - it was extraordinary :)

Picture is borrowed from google images