Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts

Sunday, 17 August 2014

Fighting demons



It's been a week since we moved to Bristol. For some reason I believed that I will find a job in a few days. But no. I know, sometimes it takes even two months or forever for some! Well, not for me. But I kind of lost my drive, or maybe just got depressed that on so many posts I replied it was only one that I had call back. I even went successfully throughout the interview, but I can start proper training in a week time, and earning in two.. Well, that's not good enough for me. I am so impatient person - I want a job now ;) The good things about the job is that it's freelance - as I work as a self-employed. My earnings will be as good as my skills as a salesman. I know I can do this, but I'm kind of broke right now. Keeping me in good spirit however is the opportunity of going to France for fruit picking season. So I am not lost, but I still will have to find money to buy tickets to get there. I wish I could pay someone with my paintings. World would be much happier place if, like in old ages one could exchange goods for other things. I make art - but it's not easy to sell it. People not buy it, as this is not on their priority list of things to buy. But don't they like their homes looks nice? Well of course they do. So they go to Ikea or some other place and buy reproductions made in hundreds if not thousands copies. Some have friends who made art and so they have originals. But do they care? As long as it matches carpet, or walls it's ok. Only rich people care - if the piece of art they have, represent value of money. And its where the circle ends. Money. This days everything comes to money.
Almost.
Lucky there are still things you can't buy. They are free to everyone! :)



just like that ;)


But in a time of sadness it's hard work to keep positive. That's why I am fighting my demons.
I had an urge to paint today. To give myself to freedom of creations. Somehow in my mind art creation and money needed for living don't go along hand in hand. I don't know how to overcome this pattern?






Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Resume



And so we are back to London. Me and my Missouri, the dog.




 It's strange, because when on the way back, and just before, I felt that I miss home. (Or maybe a place I could call home?) Anyway, just after arriving back, I felt strange. Everything around me felt strange. Not mine. Known - but I didn't have a sense of belonging. Even after coming to a flat I called home for last 2 years, it was weird. Rooms, furniture, my stuff.. mine, but not mine. What has changed? They were the same, so it must have been me that changed. It seems that Missouri didn't have this problem. She greeted "her" cat companion and, sniffed  out every corner and lay down under the bed to rest. Me? I wasn't sure what to do with myself! Unpack first? Make some food? Shower? Call friends? .. I thought of making a food first. But what was my surprise when I found a whole tribe (several families) of nasty bugs living squatters life in the kitchen! yuck! Everything needed thorough cleaning...

"surprised cow" - wall mural found in Delft, NL


After I found some time to spend with myself I thought about what I have experienced in last 2 months that were important and left an imprint on me. I could say that it is my travelling experience:

1. I met lots of new interesting people, made some contacts
2. I made new friends
3. I 've learn that I need a place I could call my own home (to come back to)
3. That I still want to travel (for about a year. it has always been my dream) And it's still not too late to do that - now I am thinking of HOW to do do it :)
4. I know what brings me satisfaction. It is to follow my dreams, making things I love doing (like this mosaic in south France) even when it is not for money - as long as there is someone willing to feed me ;)
5. Have freedom of choice when making plans for my own journey (also through life)
6. Understanding my worthiness, feeling good with myself, understanding my needs better,
7. overcoming the lack of confidence, being good enough for myself, not for others. If for them I am not good enough, it's their problem. I need to be in peace with myself.
8. Grow personally and internally to be better person
9. Keep going towards being myself
10. Finding happiness in every little things every day
11. Maintain optimism, faith, strength and courage to go after my dreams and goals, and through every next day with smile on my face
12. Learn more, be more aware