There are 3 reasons why I decided to to realise this project, about travelling with dog and making documentary. Here they are:
1 - I always had passion for travelling
Even as a child, my biggest dream was to travel. Far and exotic. Discover new places, find out how people live on the other side of the Earth. Listen to their native language, try out what kind of food do they eat, what animals live in their land, what are their customs, music, art, religion; see natures miracles not present in my own country. See mountains, rivers, ocean, breath the air of unknown! My favourite book was Encyclopaedia. I was about 10, maybe 15-teen. I had this game, to open Encyclopaedia on random page, find if there was something about any country, or plant or animal, then follow on: if this was country ; read everything about it: what do they grow, where is it, etc.. If it was plant, where does it grow, what country; if it was animal, where does it live, what country; then I was following a link, and searched that country. If they wrote some more interesting facts, I was following the lead! The game seems endless! My other favourite book was my school atlas of the world with maps. I spent many hours searching for places I read about in Encyclopaedia. I wanted to know where all this exotic countries are. My other game was to imagine going for a journey, so I was marking a point on the map, then another one, and another .. and then read about this places in Encyclopaedia! It was fun! Now - we have internet and access to far more information ;) Also as I grew up, I started travelling ;) At first, in my own country (Poland) and then in the world!
2 - I love dogs
There was few in my life. Before Missouri there was Dred, black, long haired portuguese sheep dog. Found on the street, dirty and hungry, become my best friend for long time. I had him when I was a student. He was coming with me for almost all my workshops at the uni (University of Art). Everyone loved him! We've spent wonderful 5 years together, also travelling in Poland and abroad. Then, after graduating, I had a bit of a hard time. I was very upset to find out how the art world really works. (I think it was the first adult lesson in my life) - that it's not about how good you are, but who you know. I felt very bitter and decided that I don't to have anything to do with art any more in my life! Also I couldn't imagine finding any work. It was hard time in Poland, and surely no perspective for freshly art graduate, even though I had become master of ceramic art. Without connections I could only count on local job centre, newspaper ads for shop assistant... If I wanted to get a job in any ceramic factory, it would be on production line for basic money with no further perspective. And so I decided to go and try living in different country, improve my english, try different jobs, find new profession. And so I ended up in London, working in couriers industry. And this took to my my 3rd reason. But before I write about it, I need to write about Dred, my dog. As being upset for art world and feeling hopeless, with tear in my eye, I gave him to my friend to look after, in meantime until I will settle up in new country. It was meant to be no more than few months... But it took longer then that. I had very rough start up. When I finally kind of settled up it was over 2 years. And then I asked myself if it isn't too late? I was missing him terribly, t e r r i b l l y !! My heart was squeezing with regret every time I thought about him, about broken promise. I know, most people would say, that he was just a dog. J u s t a d o g . But he was much more for me! He was my best friend, and I had abandoned him :( I was in between regret and resentment. The only thing that kept me stable was that I knew that he was in good hands. My friend's parents had big house with huge garden and his uncle was veterinarian. So he was in good loving hands. I felt I shouldn't keep messing his life, bringing him to massive city.. And so I promised myself that one day I have to something for other dogs and people, so no one will have to face such a decision. Or at least less people. I hope my film will get to be seen and I hope it will keep people and their dogs together.
3 - I had cancer
before, just before op, after treatments,
One day I was ok, and then not any more. I had symptoms, but like most of the people I wanted to be ok. And my doctors for half year were telling me that I am stressed and overworked, and start pushing me to take antidepressants and start therapy! I didn't agree to that. And then it came a day, when it become clear, that it's not stress. Or depression. Or my imagination. And then I got diagnose - brain tumour. I thought I was dying! At that stage I couldn't be on my own, as (what I found out later) I had epilepsy caused by growing tumour. Most of the time it were absent seizures, meaning that I didn't know where I was and what was happening around me and to me. Like some one reseted my brain, or switched a plug from computer server. I was banking out and losing feeling on my left side. When it happened for the first time - I thought I was having stroke. Anyway - I decided that: I AM NOT GIVING UP !!! - after all my treatments I realised something. I had amazing people, friends around me! When I had operation, they were waiting for me, and about 10 people greeted me when I opened my eyes :) It was amazing! :) Thank you guys! I LOVE YOU!!! I am lucky to have you around ;)
This experience taught me that my life is important to me and that I am not going to waste it! However time I have. If it's a month, a year, 10 years or 50. Since now on, I want to carry on with getting MY DREAMS to come true. Not only someone else's. I can't say it was always easy. I fought with depression, and my own weaknesses. But I am not going to let my days go with regrets of not following my dreams.
Tomorrow I have following scan. And it's 3 years, since my diagnose. I am fine. I am brave. I have dreams. I love life. I am not alone. I believe in myself. I am alive and not giving up!
........xxxxx ....
