Reflections

Bristol is slowly sinking into our personalities, mine and Missouri. Slowly becoming our city. Very slowly. I keep asking myself if it ever will become our home, or rather just a stopover. It has potential, but for now, we are going away again! Yeah! This saturday we are heading to France. Definitely for 2-3 weeks, but maybe longer.. ;) I think I secretly planned longer already. Same as last time, but this time, we will do different things. Some places are going to be the same, some not. Also, I will be working on editing my movie "Psim Tropem" (Dog's Trail).

At Strawberry Hill near our house, good spot for reflections

During stay in Bristol I had some time to think about my recent experiences while I travelled. How it influenced my life. I also had some thoughts about what is important to me in my life. And also I realised, that doing that 1st step towards travelling years ago, or rather deciding to live in another country than my own, I kind of lost my roots. It's sad. But also made my tougher. Stronger than I was. More confident. I am not perfect. Every day I battle with myself to be better for myself. And for my dog.
I was offered a job. Maybe it wasn't the best in the world, but I could feel I could be good at it. Problem was, that I would have to spend about 12 hours a day out. I could even earn a lot. And travel too, as they work in different towns around. Also it was awesome, that work atmosphere with those guys, their office felt so good. Like never before in any job I have been before. Just the air was boosting my ego ;) But you know what: I didn't take it. Because I have Missouri. I have completely no regrets - I can't believe how easy was for me to say that. I spoke to main boss and explained that my dog is very important to me, that she is my companion and friend, and little bit like a child, kind of ;) He understood. He genuinely regretted my decision and told me that he can give me references if I ever needed (just after interview and 1 day training, what a amazing thing!) I know that I want to build my life around my dreams, and not my dreams around my life, because I might never find enough time, energy and money for it. Like sadly most of the people. I Hope I can make it.

Also, I started playing around with my drawings and pen graphics in Photoshop. I was keep thinking what could I do instead of making stencils. I love making them, but I kind of lack of space to make them and place to keep them - under my bed :) I know I could just go on the street like most of street artist do. But it just don't feel like it..

Resume

And so we are back to London. Me and my Missouri, the dog.

 It's strange, because when on the way back, and just before, I felt that I miss home. (Or maybe a place I could call home?) Anyway, just after arriving back, I felt strange. Everything around me felt strange. Not mine. Known - but I didn't have a sense of belonging. Even after coming to a flat I called home for last 2 years, it was weird. Rooms, furniture, my stuff.. mine, but not mine. What has changed? They were the same, so it must have been me that changed. It seems that Missouri didn't have this problem. She greeted "her" cat companion and, sniffed  out every corner and lay down under the bed to rest. Me? I wasn't sure what to do with myself! Unpack first? Make some food? Shower? Call friends? .. I thought of making a food first. But what was my surprise when I found a whole tribe (several families) of nasty bugs living squatters life in the kitchen! yuck! Everything needed thorough cleaning...

"surprised cow" - wall mural found in Delft, NL

After I found some time to spend with myself I thought about what I have experienced in last 2 months that were important and left an imprint on me. I could say that it is my travelling experience:

1. I met lots of new interesting people, made some contacts
2. I made new friends
3. I 've learn that I need a place I could call my own home (to come back to)
3. That I still want to travel (for about a year. it has always been my dream) And it's still not too late to do that - now I am thinking of HOW to do do it :)
4. I know what brings me satisfaction. It is to follow my dreams, making things I love doing (like this mosaic in south France) even when it is not for money - as long as there is someone willing to feed me ;)
5. Have freedom of choice when making plans for my own journey (also through life)
6. Understanding my worthiness, feeling good with myself, understanding my needs better,
7. overcoming the lack of confidence, being good enough for myself, not for others. If for them I am not good enough, it's their problem. I need to be in peace with myself.
8. Grow personally and internally to be better person
9. Keep going towards being myself
10. Finding happiness in every little things every day
11. Maintain optimism, faith, strength and courage to go after my dreams and goals, and through every next day with smile on my face
12. Learn more, be more aware