Vandange

Me and my Missouri are somewhere in south France. it’s been already few weeks since we left England. For most of the time we enjoy sunshine and.. hard work. Yep - we went to experience how it is like to be a vandanger. This is a name of a person who is picking grapes from wine trees. France is commonly well known producer of wine. First week was very hard, as I was not used to this kind of work. My back, knee and tights pain was “killing” me. But slowly and with help of special supportive belt I managed to survive until now ;) I meet up with few of my friends,  some of them I met at Slow Down Festival in July in Poland, where I was building ceramic kiln, and doing shiatsu massage curse... Also already being here I met more cool people who like I, are on a journey. Some just for money to finance their life projects, or studies, some forever travellers doing occasional work to continue their trips. Sometimes I feel that I might become one of them. Just for a while. Just to experience how it is like to be a world citizen. Also - next month, very very soon is happening famous Rainbow festival in Spain, and I am considering going there. It’s awesome gathering of people who love Mother Earth, who are looking for more in life then just a usual job, who fill up system gaps and follow the crowds. I nearly forgot that  I used to wanted to be part of this gathering. It is always happening somewhere in the world and no one knows where until just before. Every time is in different country. ~to find out about it, you have to know some one who is part of it.. It’s something like a secret society, but without annual fees, and dark rituals ;) Well, I don’t know.. Never been there. I hope I will find my way there.

But before I will, there is still work to be done. Now, we are already in 3rd grapes picking place, and with another patron. New winery is located in beautiful mountainous landscape. Fields with wine are a bit steep, and it might be a bit difficult to work, but it actually is very nice place. Also this guy does organic grapes - no pesticides! That also means that fields are full of weeds ;( We are based in tiny domain which is in private hands only 2nd year! There is only 6 of us for work (previous place employed about 50 - 70 (including drivers, and sorters. House has very basics facilities, including outdoor toilet and cold shower made with spare hose pipe ;) I am being paid for work, and have food and living for free - so it’s not bad, especially that I am close to nature and with my dog. House looks like a summer gite, only for workers in season, but it’s very nice. As soon ss we arrived, we felt that we want to clean it up, paint and make a living house!

 It’s almost 11 at night, and my companions are having jam session, 2 of them play african instruments called balafon, and 3rd plays saxofon. Almost every night there is good music around that makes work more pleasant. Also loads of wine! - they drink it here for breakfast, lunch and dinner!! unbelievable! :) At first it was fun - but after 2 weeks I started to miss normal cup of tea! Also, right now, below the floor where I sit, there is massive container with almost 4 thousands litters of wine made last year, ready to be bottled, and we have a key to it, so we can enjoy it at any time! 
Also, every day after work I am so tired that no matter of what I fall asleep like a stone and wake up in the morning for work with the sunrise. There is no sundays, but occasional days off work to catch a breath. 

Reflections

Bristol is slowly sinking into our personalities, mine and Missouri. Slowly becoming our city. Very slowly. I keep asking myself if it ever will become our home, or rather just a stopover. It has potential, but for now, we are going away again! Yeah! This saturday we are heading to France. Definitely for 2-3 weeks, but maybe longer.. ;) I think I secretly planned longer already. Same as last time, but this time, we will do different things. Some places are going to be the same, some not. Also, I will be working on editing my movie "Psim Tropem" (Dog's Trail).

At Strawberry Hill near our house, good spot for reflections

During stay in Bristol I had some time to think about my recent experiences while I travelled. How it influenced my life. I also had some thoughts about what is important to me in my life. And also I realised, that doing that 1st step towards travelling years ago, or rather deciding to live in another country than my own, I kind of lost my roots. It's sad. But also made my tougher. Stronger than I was. More confident. I am not perfect. Every day I battle with myself to be better for myself. And for my dog.
I was offered a job. Maybe it wasn't the best in the world, but I could feel I could be good at it. Problem was, that I would have to spend about 12 hours a day out. I could even earn a lot. And travel too, as they work in different towns around. Also it was awesome, that work atmosphere with those guys, their office felt so good. Like never before in any job I have been before. Just the air was boosting my ego ;) But you know what: I didn't take it. Because I have Missouri. I have completely no regrets - I can't believe how easy was for me to say that. I spoke to main boss and explained that my dog is very important to me, that she is my companion and friend, and little bit like a child, kind of ;) He understood. He genuinely regretted my decision and told me that he can give me references if I ever needed (just after interview and 1 day training, what a amazing thing!) I know that I want to build my life around my dreams, and not my dreams around my life, because I might never find enough time, energy and money for it. Like sadly most of the people. I Hope I can make it.

Also, I started playing around with my drawings and pen graphics in Photoshop. I was keep thinking what could I do instead of making stencils. I love making them, but I kind of lack of space to make them and place to keep them - under my bed :) I know I could just go on the street like most of street artist do. But it just don't feel like it..

Fighting demons

It's been a week since we moved to Bristol. For some reason I believed that I will find a job in a few days. But no. I know, sometimes it takes even two months or forever for some! Well, not for me. But I kind of lost my drive, or maybe just got depressed that on so many posts I replied it was only one that I had call back. I even went successfully throughout the interview, but I can start proper training in a week time, and earning in two.. Well, that's not good enough for me. I am so impatient person - I want a job now ;) The good things about the job is that it's freelance - as I work as a self-employed. My earnings will be as good as my skills as a salesman. I know I can do this, but I'm kind of broke right now. Keeping me in good spirit however is the opportunity of going to France for fruit picking season. So I am not lost, but I still will have to find money to buy tickets to get there. I wish I could pay someone with my paintings. World would be much happier place if, like in old ages one could exchange goods for other things. I make art - but it's not easy to sell it. People not buy it, as this is not on their priority list of things to buy. But don't they like their homes looks nice? Well of course they do. So they go to Ikea or some other place and buy reproductions made in hundreds if not thousands copies. Some have friends who made art and so they have originals. But do they care? As long as it matches carpet, or walls it's ok. Only rich people care - if the piece of art they have, represent value of money. And its where the circle ends. Money. This days everything comes to money.
Almost.
Lucky there are still things you can't buy. They are free to everyone! :)

just like that ;)


But in a time of sadness it's hard work to keep positive. That's why I am fighting my demons.
I had an urge to paint today. To give myself to freedom of creations. Somehow in my mind art creation and money needed for living don't go along hand in hand. I don't know how to overcome this pattern?

homeless

HOMELESS - because your home is where your heart is

And so it happened. Me and my dog have moved last night to Bristol. New home (or just new house) new beginning. Scared, full of anxiety and sad. And that mixed up with the feel of freedom and new opportunities. I don't think I am gonna do much today. Even unpacking bags seems too difficult. Deep inside I knew I won't stay here too long. Or maybe I don't wan to? Or that this is not my home? Maybe not yet - maybe it will become my new home. Even Missouri senses that something happened. She walks around the house and cries. She senses that we won't go back to old house, we called home . She's been with me there for some time, it was her first home after taking her from her doggie mummy. For me, our previous house was just another on my journey since I left my mum's house 15 years ago. First it was to go to university. I spent last 15 years living with strangers, friends, other families, different partners.. Growing older and hoping to create my own home one day. Last house I shared, I really hoped it will be like a real home. I was renting it, but I treated it like it was my home. Caring for it. Yet - when I came back from my journey around the Europe - it felt weird, and not mine. There was no one really waiting for me. (Except my friends ;) My travel companion was with me - my Missouri. My man-friend stop being my man-friend some time ago already. My journey was just confirmation of things that ended long time ago. It helped me clear up my mind, and confirm of what I am looking for in my life. Apart from answers of who I am, where I am going to and what I am looking for, I also know for sure one thing - and I am saying it now consciously - that I wan to have home. My own home. My place I could call home. Whatever that means ;) It could be anywhere in the world.

 ---- xxx ----

Coming and going

I came back from a journey, and I am going away again. I wish it was for another journey like before, but this time a bit different.

Nothing stays the same, all is changing. Also my life has taken new form. I decided to move to a different town in UK. London become too crowdy, too dirty, too big and just too much. This saturday me and my dog are moving to Bristol. I hope this new place will bring more good things with it. Less people, smaller distances, new perspectives, new friends and new beginning ;)

Also I want to say to all my friends in here - London - I love you! I will miss you, but I am not going to forget about you!

The Reason

There are 3 reasons why I decided to to realise this project, about travelling with dog and making documentary. Here they are:



1 - I always had passion for travelling

Even as a child, my biggest dream was to travel. Far and exotic. Discover new places, find out how people live on the other side of the Earth. Listen to their native language, try out what kind of food do they eat, what animals live in their land, what are their customs, music, art,  religion; see natures miracles not present in my own country. See mountains, rivers, ocean, breath the air of unknown! My favourite book was Encyclopaedia. I was about 10, maybe 15-teen. I had this game, to open Encyclopaedia on random page, find if there was something about any country, or plant or animal, then follow on: if this was country ; read everything about it: what do they grow, where is it, etc.. If it was plant, where does it grow, what country; if it was animal, where does it live, what country; then I was following a link, and searched that country. If they wrote some more interesting facts, I was following the lead! The game seems endless! My other favourite book was my school atlas of the world with maps. I spent many hours searching for places I read about in Encyclopaedia. I wanted to know where all this exotic countries are. My other game was to imagine going for a journey, so I was marking a point on the map, then another one, and another .. and then read about this places in Encyclopaedia! It was fun! Now - we have internet and access to far more information ;) Also as I grew up, I started travelling ;) At first, in my own country (Poland) and then in the world!




2 - I love dogs

There was few in my life. Before Missouri there was Dred, black, long haired portuguese sheep dog. Found on the street, dirty and hungry, become my best friend for long time. I had him when I was a student. He was coming with me for almost all my workshops at the uni (University of Art). Everyone loved him! We've spent wonderful 5 years together, also travelling in Poland and abroad. Then, after  graduating, I had a bit of a hard time. I was very upset to find out how the art world really works. (I think it was the first adult lesson in my life) - that it's not about how good you are, but who you know. I felt very bitter and decided that I don't to have anything to do with art any more in my life! Also I couldn't imagine finding any work. It was hard time in Poland, and surely no perspective for freshly art graduate, even though I had become master of ceramic art. Without connections I could only count on local job centre, newspaper ads for shop assistant... If I wanted to get a job in any ceramic factory, it would be on production line for basic money with no further perspective. And so I decided to go and try living in different country, improve my english, try different jobs, find new profession. And so I ended up in London, working in couriers industry. And this took to my my 3rd reason. But before I write about it, I need to write about Dred, my dog. As being upset for art world and feeling hopeless, with tear in my eye, I gave him to my friend to look after, in meantime until I will settle up in new country. It was meant to be no more than few months... But it took longer then that. I had very rough start up. When I finally kind of settled up it was over 2 years. And then I asked myself if it isn't too late? I was missing him terribly, t e r r i b l l y !! My heart was squeezing with regret every time I thought about him, about broken promise. I know, most people would say, that he was just a dog. J u s t   a   d o g . But he was much more for me! He was my best friend, and I had abandoned him :(  I was in between regret and resentment. The only thing that kept me stable was that I knew that he was in good hands. My friend's parents had big house with huge garden and his uncle was veterinarian. So he was in good loving hands. I felt I shouldn't keep messing his life, bringing him to massive city.. And so I promised myself that one day I have to something for other dogs and people, so no one will have to face such a decision. Or at least less people. I hope my film will get to be seen and I hope it will keep people and their dogs together.



3 - I had cancer

before, just before op, after treatments, 

One day I was ok, and then not any more. I had symptoms, but like most of the people I wanted to be ok. And my doctors for half year were telling me that I am stressed and overworked, and start pushing me  to take antidepressants and start therapy! I didn't agree to that. And then it came a day, when it become clear, that it's not stress. Or depression. Or my imagination. And then I got diagnose - brain tumour. I thought I was dying! At that stage I couldn't be on my own, as (what I found out later) I had epilepsy caused by growing tumour. Most of the time it were absent seizures, meaning that I didn't know where I was and what was happening around me and to me. Like some one reseted my brain, or switched a plug from computer server. I was banking out and losing feeling on my left side. When it happened for the first time - I thought I was having stroke. Anyway - I decided that: I AM NOT GIVING UP !!! - after all my treatments I realised something. I had amazing people, friends around me! When I had operation, they were waiting for me, and about 10 people greeted me when I opened my eyes :) It was amazing! :) Thank you guys! I LOVE YOU!!! I am lucky to have you around ;)
This experience taught me that my life is important to me and that I am not going to waste it! However time I have. If it's a month, a year, 10 years or 50. Since now on, I want to carry on with getting MY DREAMS to come true. Not only someone else's. I can't say it was always easy. I fought with depression, and my own weaknesses. But I am not going to let my days go with regrets of not following my dreams.
Tomorrow I have following scan. And it's 3 years, since my diagnose. I am fine. I am brave. I have dreams. I love life. I am not alone. I believe in myself.  I am alive and not giving up!

........xxxxx ....

10 commandements (for dog owners)

My documentary: what I have learn from my journey with dog, and what I want everyone travelling with their dogs to know:

10 dog owner commandments (when travelling)

1 - Dog is my companion and friend
2 - I am responsible "owner" of my dog, aware of it's needs, not only local rules (muzzle, toilet, leash   walks)
3 - plan your trips beforehand - be aware of restrictions, but also be spontaneous and try. Where is no security checking your every move, you can try, after all, the worst thing that can happen, you will be told "no".
4 - remember to always have more water then just for yourself, and small bowl for your dog
5 - when walking miles in hot weather, especially in towns on hot pavement, understand why your dog might be complaining - pavement might burn his/her feet! remember to take lots of breaks (or buy doggie shoes)
6 - Always have poo bags with you (towns), unless you are in countryside where no one cares. After all, you care what you feed your dog, so it's "natural" waste
7 - enjoy every minute with your dog, every place you go to
8 - try to choose some places where your dog will enjoy to be with you too. When you walk all day in town, find nice park or beach to go to for rest.
9 - if you are really dying to go to museum to see some art, leave your dog in hotel, but not for all day!!
10 - make this journey memorable, and encourage other dog owners to take their dogs for holidays!

 Enything is possible, when you try !!!